I just read this article on huffpost, and frankly it sucked. He does more than just stretch the term 'gaslighting' to places it doesn't reach, and get pointlessly offended about how the meanings of the term crazy also include mental illness. The article calls crazy "a trend", and at the same time talks about how it's been around for a long time. Worst he offers no alternatives to dealing with "crazy" behavior. This guy, who's apparently a dating coach, writes a long diatribe about how men calling women crazy is evil and manipulative. No. He's right that saying "you're crazy" during a fight isn't going to win you any boyfriend awards, but it's not manipulative--it's just lazy.
He starts off with "crazy meant 'acting in a way I didn't like.'" That's not what a guy is saying when he calls his girlfriend crazy. What he really means is "I don't know or understand the cause(s) of the attitudes/behaviors she's showing. If she stated her reasoning, I didn't follow it and/or still don't understand how it's causally linked. And I've given up trying to figure it out."
The solution is pretty simple, and you don't need all this psychobabble to do it.
First, control your own emotional outbursts and tactfully admit that you don't understand what's up. This isn't a negative on you or on her. It's a byproduct of the different ways men and women communicate. Don't make a big deal out of this fact of life. If you do this step right, she may try to explain (again), but don't expect her to be able to bridge the communication gap for you. She already didn't remember? You likely still won't understand the causal relationship. That's fine. The important thing here is that you actively listen and gently probe for more information until you figure out the cause of her emotions.
It's the emotion that matters. If she's getting good emotions from her world and you, then you won't have to worry much about anything else. Understanding what you're doing is only important to the point where you can get the effect you want. It takes a lot less expertise to have a happy relationship than it does to understand other people, just like it takes less expertise to operate a microwave than it does to build one.
When you've figured out the problem it's simply a matter of fixing it or avoiding it. You should have a lot of motivation to find an answer because if you can't find one, the relationship is over.
To sum up, don't bother reading this blow-hard's rant. Be patient enough to learn what things create what emotions for the woman you're with, and then find ways to bring her more happiness and less sadness. Billions of stupid yet happy couples around the world prove, it doesn't take a psychologist to do it.
